the human magnet syndrome by ross rosenberg book cover in the hands of a child

Quick Review: The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap

“The soul mate of you dreams is going to become the cellmate of your nightmares.”

Ross Rosenbergs father said this to him as a joke 30 years before he wrote this book. There is a lot of psychological insight in this joke. Especially since Rosenberg grew up to be a codependent.

In a magnet-like fashion, codependent people are attracted by self-absorbed emotional manipulators. We have all witnessed this phenomenon and scratched ourselves in the head in bewilderment: ‘Why do these people don’t see that their relationship is dysfunctional?’

The magnet-like force that pulls the codependent and the narcissist to each other is what Rosenberg aims to explain in this book.

Video Review: The Human Magnet Syndrome

Video Review: The Human Magnet Syndrome by Ross Rosenberg

Notes and Highlights

📝 Codependent and emotional manipulators are naturally attracted to each other because of their perfectly compatible dysfunctional inverse personalities.

📝 Consciously we desire relationships based on similarities. But this is only secondary to our unconscious preferences: “…We unconsciously gravitate towards relationships that are familiar and reminiscent of those experienced during our childhood.”

📝 People of similar polarities seems uninteresting to each other. When dating someone who “on paper” would be the perfect partner you can feel that the “chemistry” is missing.

📝 These types of relationships are resistant to break-up because neither the codependent or the manipulator can’t stand being alone.

📝 Most families, especially dysfunctional ones, tend to resist change since it is experienced as stressful and uncomfortable. A child, in an attempt to gain independence, might be seen as a threat. “Hence, all families, especially dysfunctional ones, not only resist change, but pass down their shared emotional function to the next generation.”


‘What makes me sad about the world we live in?’ I have been pondering this question lately and I think I’ve found one answer:  How unfair it can be when children have to inherit the unresolved problems from their parents.

⚖️ VERDICT: The Human Magnet Syndrome

A good book if you want to get an introduction to the common personality disorders. A fantastic book if you find yourself an unending loop of dysfunctional relationships.

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ out of 5

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